You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
