I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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