Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
