Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
