they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize