After last night, I could never be a politician.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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