Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
