After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
