i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
