Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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