How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
