hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
