I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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