i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
