So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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