My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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