Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
