We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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