you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
