Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
