My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
