when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
