Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
