guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I still have a little drunk in my system
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I currently don't understand fingers.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
