Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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