Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
