dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize