Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
