Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
