does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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