I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize