I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
