is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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