Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
