Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize