There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
