I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
