how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
