also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
