he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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