So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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