I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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