i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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