YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
