please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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