I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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