Say something about gay babies.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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