Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
