I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
