so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
