My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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