Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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