So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
