member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
