I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
