i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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