Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
