i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize