I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
