I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Actions speak louder than pants.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think I sprained my soul last night
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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