I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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