I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
