I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
