yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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