I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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