Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize