Me. At least after what I've been through.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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