So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He kissed a someone with a penis
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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