so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
