I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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