he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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